Attack of the Stink Bugs

Enough is enough.

I’m up to my ears in stink bugs.

They’re EVERYWHERE. Including the one I found in my bed, under my covers, nestling under my tree-tattooed leg like it was a fuzzy branch.

WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

Until last year, I had NEVER seen a stink bug before, and now they basically materialize under my limbs, buzz between the blinds on my window, and think that they can just LIVE IN MY HOME.

Excuse me, Mr. Stink Bug, but you do NOT pay my rent, therefore you do not have a place to live. Not under my roof. I’m at risk of sounding like my father here, but if you choose to live under my roof, you shall play by my rules. AND MY RULES DICTATE THAT YOU CANNOT LIVE HERE.

This apartment is not big enough for the both of us. And since my name is the rent check, yous gots ta go, bro.

Plus, you stink. I can’t have this type of witchcraft and debauchery occurring on my watch. No. I will not.

You being here, ON MY LEG, is making me feel very oppressed.

MEMO TO ALL STINK BUGS: I AM NOT YOUR HOME. I WILL SLAY YOU. WINTER IS COMING!

4 Comments

  1. This is so funny! I once found one tangled in my hair! Ugh they’re so awful. At least be greatful you didn’t find one about to enter your Stranger Danger land. Yeah. It wanted in. They’re getting too familiar!

      1. I’m pretty awesome. Totally an admirer of yours and your writing! That’s why I clearly felt compelled to humiliate myself all over your blog hahaha. I blame your TBT link to this on twitter.

        Also, is Game of Thrones a good show? Been thinking about seeing what all this business is about

        1. Awww thank you!! I really appreciate that!

          It’s so funny because I thought I had published this post two months ago and I just found it as a draft in my “Dashboard” so I just published it with the original date because, well, I don’t know. So I decided to call it a TBT. I’m a tool, I’m aware.

          BUT YES, Game of Thrones is, using your words, THE BUSINESS. It’s so well done and intriguing and just addictive.

          Thanks for stopping by!

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