The Art of Letting Go


Dear Friend,

It’s hard to let go of a friendship, isn’t it? Maybe not. I’m not really even sure if we were ever friends. At one point I thought we were as close as two people could be. But I guess there’s always a cloak draped over us that we can always see, that shields us from ever truly connecting or letting ourselves connect, or keeping that connection for longer than just the time being.

We met when I was at an all-time low point in my life. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to get into grad school, my first real YA novel was getting crushed by agents, and I had to quit my job because I just wasn’t happy anymore and I thought a chance of pace would change my pace. So I started working at a Greek restaurant, before a life-changing trip across the country, in order to save money and find happiness. And I confided in you because you seemed to understand more about life than I ever could.

After I went on my trip, we didn’t talk much. I moved on and, for a year and a half we exchanged the casual Facebook message. Until we reconnected when you brought me into another restaurant to work alongside you. From that moment on, we were inseparable. I connected with you in a way that I hadn’t with anybody in a long, long time. There was a level of maturity in our friendship that I hadn’t truly experienced with a new friend, someone I hadn’t grown up with.

We told each other secrets. We supported each other. We were Friends.


I felt like I had a lifelong friend. Until I had to leave the restaurant business behind.

I was lucky enough to hobble together a full time teaching gig between two colleges, my dream job. I was going to teach writing to eager freshman. I had never felt so accomplished before; I never felt like my education was worth anything, that I was worth anything, until I was able to prove myself by proving to myself that I was, in fact, more than capable to teach.

I never felt like you were happy for me, Friend. Instead, I felt embarrassed for having to give my notice. You made me feel like I was abandoning you. So you pushed me away, and I let myself get pushed away because I felt like I had let you down. When I tried to visit you, you would all but ignore me, so I stopped visiting. I tried to make things right again, but I never felt like I was wanted, that I belonged in your universe anymore. You replaced my title at the restaurant, which was to be expected and I hold no ill will because business is business, but you replaced my title in your life; you put trust into the wrong people because they were there and I was not. This was not the same person I connected with, all those years ago, who approached me with wisdom beyond years; this was someone I hardly recognized, someone more interested in social hierarchy and Mean Girls-like status quo than up-keeping a friendship. You chose to believe that I was the enemy, and that the people around you cared more than I did. You became vindictive, even in the smallest of actions, and I let myself get wrapped up in drama that I shouldn’t have gotten involved in.

So I’m letting go.

This isn’t easy, Friend.

You’ll always have a special place in my heart.

I’ll probably miss you for a long time.

But I have to let go.

I’ll choose to remember our friendship for the good great times, the fun we had, the laughter we shared, the inside jokes, the common love that bonded us together. I won’t remember us by what tore us apart, I’ll remember us by the moment we shared in the darkness of a ballroom, as a rowdy band played mere feet away in the restaurant, and the secrets we let escape our lips in a moment of nerve and nervous excitement because it was there where we became intrinsically linked; that is something I’ll keep sacred, I’ll guard, with my life, because moments like those among true friends are so few and far between.

Love Always,




Letting go is hard. Have you ever had to let go? Sound off below.

It ain’t easy, baby…


  1. It really IS exceedingly hurtful. Way to convey it so well with this letter! And you know, though? What a blessing it was to get the dream job and learn about this friend’s ways when you did! It could have easily turned into a lifetime-neg-relationship thing if you didn’t make the effort you did to move on from the restaurant. So CHEERS to that! #DontLetTheBastahdsGetchuDown #Rihanna #CheersToTheFreakinWeekend #OhWaitItsOnlyThursday #SorryImHashtagDominatingThisCommentsSectionRightNow

    1. Thank you for the kind words, sir.

      Everything happens for a reason, right? It’s important to make necessary changes in order to live a more healthy, positive life.

      As Cady Heron once said, “when you get bit by a snake, you have to suck out all the poison…”

  2. Letting go of someone who played such a big part in your life is never easy! I too had to let go of a very dear friend because I got married and he didn’t approve of my choice in partner. And well life just happened we lost contact and we saw each other after a year last weekend. Its just not the same anymore. We both changed, things changed. My friend was there for me in a very dark period in my life and I made choices to trust someone who has hurt me before thus resulting in my friend distancing himself from my life. I too made my choice. My husband whom I love dearly.

    Sometimes letting go isn’t goodbye that persons part in your life story is over and its time to let go.
    Sent from my BlackBerry®

    1. I love this: “sometimes letting go isn’t goodbye…”

      I’m not sure I believe in “goodbyes”; it’s just, maybe, that right now our lives don’t intersect. And maybe they never will again. I just couldn’t live holding on to negative feelings anymore.

      Thank you for sharing your story! Letting go isn’t easy, but I trust you made the right decision…

  3. Steven, I’ve been through this terrible experience a couple of times in my life, and may very well have to experience it again one of these days. It’s one of the hardest things in the world to let go of a friendship, even harder than holding on while it deteriorates. But I made a decision a while back that I have no room in my life for negativity. It does nothing but hold you back. And after a certain point, you can only try so hard to change someone’s mind before their negativity starts affecting yours.

    These are very very hard decisions to make, but it sounds like you made the right one. I’m proud of you, and I miss you! I know we haven’t really been in each other’s lives for a very long time, but I have always known you to be a smart and self-aware person. I’d love to see you and catch up when I’m home around the holidaze!

    Stay strong and stay positive brotha!

    ❤ Frito

    1. Holding onto negativity only breeds negativity.

      It really is more like experiencing a death than just saying “peace out,” especially if the relationship was deep. Or at least you thought it was. Meh. Like you said, I have no room for that kind of negativity.

      Also: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST BILLION YEARS? I miss you too man! We definitely have to catch up — let me know next time you’re home! I live in Dobbs now, just a hop, skip, and a jump away!

  4. Reminds me Kelly Clarkson’s “Sober.” Such a hard thing to do to let go of a relationship.

    Good luck, sir. I wish you lots of love and happiness!

  5. Yes, I have (a couple times)…but like you wrote (or implied) I “felt” let go first. But in one situation I just got fed up and walked way. I think I may really need to write one of these myself, maybe just for closure. At least it could help. I agree what you said to Josh that it’s like experiencing a death. It really does hurt, and even when I think I’m over certain things they’ll pop back up and I’ll become reminiscent or even a bit hurt or angry…

    Sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever reconnect with people like this. I mean not necessarily tomorrow or even on FB but life in “real life”…maybe 10, 20 years from now. I mean sometimes years passing, and life happening can change so many things. This would make for an interesting story. I could see you’re letter being at the beginning of the book…anyway, thanks for sharing this.

    1. Personally, I don’t think any story truly ends. Everything is ongoing, even if we aren’t in each others lives, I truly believe that the people we come in contact with shape and inform us and continue to have effects on us. And to think that something is ever truly over is, I think, being quite narrow-minded. I’d like to think that stories are never-ending, and what happens once they do “end” is up to us.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s